I could have mohawked her pubes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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