I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
God, I missed his penis.
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