she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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