my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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