you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
