Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize