ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
