Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
