i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
