I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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