I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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