Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
