I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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