I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
