If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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