Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
