god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
