You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
