I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize