Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
