Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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