i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
