i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
