i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
