hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
