where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
