singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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