Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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