Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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