this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize