My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
