New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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