it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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