you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
