There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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