I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
