He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
