My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize