I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize