Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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