Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
