even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
