theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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