I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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