ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This girl is more easily done than said...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We left an ass print on the piano.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
