so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
