id be glad to
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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