I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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