3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
