omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its liver damage thursday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
