i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
