singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
