i came on her dog
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
