I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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