alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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