I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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