I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize