Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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