I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
