p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
