I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
