would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
