Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize