We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
