dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
