The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
