I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
