Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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