he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
