seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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