Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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